A Dad That Does Not Leave
At age 25, shortly after the birth of my precious daughter, I found out from my uncle that my father had committed suicide the day after my fifth birthday, leaving behind a 25-year-old widow with three kids aged five and under. Why so long to find out? Back in those days (he died in 1960), suicide was something to be hidden, not talked about, especially with surviving children who could be adversely affected by the news.
A more important why question for me was how in the world could a father intentionally leave his precious children behind. My daughter was everything to me. I could never dream of leaving her behind. I literally drove myself crazy with hundreds of different thoughts trying to find a reasonable answer to that question. Counseling didn’t help nor did talking with friends or family – there just wasn’t anyone who could give me a rationale answer to that question. Except THE ONE!
One evening as I drove home from work, with those hundreds of thoughts rolling through my mind, I clearly heard THE ONE say “you’re never going to find an acceptable answer to that question – it is water under the bridge – let Me take all your hurt and pain”. (see 1 Peter 5:7). At that time in life, I wasn’t walking with the Lord – I’d gone my own way – but thankfully THE ONE didn’t leave me behind.
I later learned that in fact THE ONE had been with me every step of the way through my life journey. (see Hebrews 13:5). Over 40 years later, my mom shared bits and pieces of the story with me, saying my father had taken her on a drive to the desert, and then telling her he was going to kill her and drive back home to kill us kids, my grandmother, and himself. My mom prayed to THE ONE to help my father not follow through with his plan. The prayer was answered only temporarily for my father but permanently for the rest of us. Without the intervention of THE ONE I wouldn’t be here today. A very powerful acknowledgement that has shaped my life greatly.
I became a very mixed up, forlorn 5-year-old. But THE ONE was there when I received my first communion at age 7, very noticeably letting me know He was real, as He did when I was confirmed at age 12. But by age 18 I was an angry young adult who decided to leave the Catholic Church and Him behind – I didn’t need all this fear and punishment - it was time to have fun and pursue my own dreams.
But despite my best efforts, once again THE ONE didn’t leave me behind. One night I was stocking shelves in the grocery store and the pallet of dairy products fell over. In my anger, I stomped as hard as I could on the tub of margarine that was lying on the ground. Guess what? Soft margarine went all over me and the dairy case. Not an easy clean up job. As I was cleaning up, I heard a voice saying, “I don’t want you to live this way”. About six months later a pallet of dog food fell over and I gave my best soccer kick to the 10-lb sack of dry dog food that was lying in the aisle. It was a pretty darn good kick – there was dry dog food down the whole aisle. I heard that same voice saying. “I don’t want you to live this way”. I had left Him behind, but THE ONE hadn’t left me behind.
I’ve gone through many other experiences later in life that have taught me without a shadow of doubt that no matter how low, confused, or self-centered you may be, THE ONE will always be by your side – every step of the way. He is always there to love, guide, and protect you through the most difficult situations you encounter in this crazy world. Life is still far from perfect, but it is much easier when I fully acknowledge His constant presence in my life and cast all my HOPE IN THE ONE. I wholeheartedly encourage you to do the same.