Needed a Dad
I was a birthday gift to my father on his 23rd birthday. I was the fourth child and there were four more after me. He and mom led a church together when I was born. He left ministry when I was two and began a career in women’s accessories. He could brand and merchandise anything, and he was good at it. He and I had many similarities… birthdate, name, looks (the only difference between his and my 6th grade picture is his was black/white and mine was color). Our relationship was good on the surface.
Out of high school I was hired by the company he led as national sales manager. I met a girl in the first months and she led me to a true faith in Christ. We became engaged and then married, 43 years as I write this. The weekend I introduced her to our family is when he chose to let us know he was leaving our mom, walking away from 26 years and 8 children for another woman. Before our wedding, he asked my wife to lunch and asked her why she was ruining his son’s life with marriage and that we should just live together until we lost interest in one another. He would eventually be married four times and died of AIDS at 57 years old, one of the most self-focused people I have personally known.
I know he cared for us the best he could, but the attraction of the world was stronger than home. Our differences became our conversation, primarily around faith. He knew enough scripture to justify how he wanted to live and I was pleading with him to live up to the scripture he once preached. He was my dad and I would not stop pursuing a relationship with him. He walked away from his third marriage and disappeared for three years and I found him so he could be with our oldest brother as he was dying. We were all there when dad was dying from his life choices. I sat at his bedside reading scripture and praying over him. He could not speak, which was probably a good thing because we were not arguing!
I have worked through the emotions of love, sympathy, frustration and anger. At the end of his life I felt very sorry for him that his life of pursuing happiness was ending so sadly. But his choices do not have to be mine. My heavenly Father is a redeemer and He has helped me to take everything that could hold me in anger and instead use it to pursue Him to be a God-focused husband, father and grandfather. I write this to encourage someone whose father is self-focused, disappointing and even deserting. I hope you will not allow their choices to hold you in anger but that you will focus your emotion to seeking God instead. He is a Father that is real and created you to have a relationship with Him. Pursue Him. The happiness you will find in Him will run deep and not disappoint.